THE EMPEROR'S NEW CLOTHES

This week's movie:
THE EMPEROR'S NEW CLOTHES

What if?

It is a documented fact that Napoleon spent the last years of his life in exile, on the island of St. Helena, under British supervision. Or did he? This movie posits a scheme in which the former emperor escapes exile, steals away to France, and regains his throne. All they need is to find an exact double to take his place.

The plan calls for an exact double to be brought in on a supply ship. A switch would be made and the real Napoleon to travel back, in disguise, on the same supply ship. Once in France, he would make contact with his supporters and reveal himself. At the same time, the fake Napoleon would reveal himself to be false. The old emperor would return to power, amass an army and defeat the English once and for all. Simple – foolproof! – right?

But wait! Let’s suppose that the double that you find is a deck hand on a ship, used to lots of very hard work. Let’s also suppose that once the switch is made, he decides that ‘it’s good to be the king’, even one in exile. After all, being waited on hand and foot and eating gourmet meals sure does beat swabbing the deck for gruel.

Such an elaborate plan, of course, requires absolute secrecy – you wouldn't want the English captors to get wind of it, therefore, the fewer people that know about it, the better. But what if the one contact, back in France, who is in on the plot ……… dies just before you get there. How could you convince anybody you are who you say you are ……/ especially when the lunatic asylums are filled with would-be Napoleons? The emperor would certainly have a tough road ahead of him. The question is, “Is it worth the bother?”

This movie has fun with this very scenario. How does the former dictator and absolute ruler of France deal with the prospect of living an ordinary life. Is such a thing even possible? …….. and, is any life really ordinary? The roles are perfectly cast – although I sometimes wonder about the logic of casting British actors in Frenchmen roles. It’s as if they’ve determined that all foreign accents are interchangeable to American audiences. Nevertheless, I bought the whole thing. Ian Holm gets Napoleon’s mannerisms just right. He brings great warmth and depth to the role and drives the entire film. It’s funny in many places, dramatic when it needs to be, and never, never boring. And besides, how do know it didn’t really happen this way?

The question you now have to ask yourself is, “What would you do if you were Napoleon in this situation?” Here are some suggestions.

1. Go to Italy and hang out for a while in the coffee bars. Brag a little about being the emperor. Let the rumor mill do its work.
2. Every loony claims to be Napoleon. Only top shelf loonies will claim to be Henri Poincaré, the great mathematician. Consider leaving the old life behind and go on the celebrity math circuit.
3. You have a long road ahead of you if you want to retake France. Consider starting small. Start by conquering –er, let’s say Grasse (it’s a little town near the French Riviera). No one will notice right off, and, it’s close enough to Cannes that you could pop on over for the film festival if you had a mind, plus I understand that they serve a mean foie gras there.
4. Become an actor. Make a bunch of screwball comedy films where you play an assortment of goofy characters. Maybe play opposite a handsome singer who gets all the ladies. He’s the romantic lead and you’re the foil. Then change your name to Jerry Lewis. You’ll have it made.
5. Make a bunch of scathingly critical documentaries about American life and government. It will produce basically the same result as #4.
6. Settle down and write your memoirs. Surely you must have some juicy tidbits about people still in power.
7. These things have to be done in a certain order. In France, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women. ……… wait! What was the goal again?
8. Make your way back to St. Helena. You and the double can have fun messing around with the British guards. The double can walk out of the room through one door while you simultaneously enter through another door. The guards would be like, “But ….. how …… but you just … over there, and now ……. How did you get over there so fast?” Hahahaha. Yes, a source of amusement for many years to come.
9. There are all sorts of empires. Maybe you can run a dry-cleaning empire, be a drug czar, be a crime lord, a dancing queen, a dairy queen, an oil sheik, a burger king, prince spaghetti, general nuisance, a captain of industry, or the king of all media.
10. Plan-B: Open up a pastry shop and bake Napoleons.

Watch THE EMPEROR’S NEW CLOTHES (not to be confused with Disney’s The Emperor’s New Groove) with your whole family this week, and

Enjoy.

MIRRORMASK

This week's movie:
MIRRORMASK

I like movies that are visually stunning and imaginative. Some people will look at this week's film, MIRRORMASK and say, "This is dumb. I can't figure out what's going on. Nothing makes sense. This doesn't fit in my mold. I can't think outside the box. I am a dunderhead." Sometimes you just have to take chances with films – otherwise how do you expand your horizons?

MIRRORMASK is not without plot. It’s not confusing or obtuse (I totally can’t believe I just used the word “obtuse”). It’s not even very strange. OK, maybe it is a little strange. Ok, maybe it’s really incredibly freaky. Is that so bad? What it is, though, is creative, dreamlike and magical.

The sets are unusual. They are meant to resemble the drawings and doodles of the main character, Helena, a 15-year old girl. A number of personal tragedies have complicated young Helena’s life. She wakes to find herself in the world of her drawing collection (her imagination). She must go on a journey of self-discovery in order to save this world and to get back to her own. I know this may sound rather juvenile, but I assure you, it ranks up there with similarly themed films as The Wizard of Oz, Labyrinth, The Dark Crystal, Alice in Wonderland, and Yellow Submarine. The stark and shifting landscape is reminiscent of paintings by both Dali and Picasso (you will have to watch this movie to see what I mean). Now you’re probably wondering how to rationally place Dali and Picasso in the same context. Well, they’re both Spaniards. They both once held a brush. When Dali and Picasso collaborated on this film, I think the conversation might have gone something like this:

Dali: Listen, my friend, if we are to work together, we must somehow divide the labor. Don’t you agree.

Picasso: Agreed. You can design all the landscapes, if you give me all the faces. I’m particularly fond of faces. I like to take faces and put the noses over here on the side, and put the mouth off into space, and eyes that quite out of proportion to the body.

Dali: Dude, that’s pretty messed up. You are one whacky SOB when it comes to faces. Were you frightened by a face when you were a child? Did a face kill your mama?

Picasso: You’re one to talk. What’s with the melting clocks and the tree shaped like a head – or is it a head shaped like a tree? It boggles the mind. Maybe I’ll make a face shaped like a tree – but with the leaves detached from the branches and it’s all like upside-down and stuff ….

Dali: Dude. Don’t weird me out. Listen, I’m going to have to insist on large floating heads, and landscapes, shaped like trees, ....... shaped like melting clocks.

Picasso: …. And you call me weird. Fine. Have your floating heads, but I want to make everything out of cubes. And the cubes make bigger cubes – which make up strange messed-up faces. Wait! What about cubes made out of faces?

Dali: Cubes? What for? Why not triangles?

Picasso: Man, you just don’t “get” me do you?

Dali: Dude, I hate to say this, but nobody has ever “gotten” you.

Picasso: Well, no one has ever gotten you either.

Dali: I should hope not. I’m totally insane.

Picasso: Amen.

Dali: Amen.

Summary: Great movie, a great time, a lot of fun, stimulating eye candy, great for the imagination, and suitable for the whole family. Pick it up this week.

Enjoy.

AUDITION

Disturbing movie of the week:
AUDITION

Nothing is what it seems.

People like to set benchmarks. I don’t know why – maybe occasionally they need to redefine a genre so that they have a standard of quality by which to judge everything they see. Maybe they occasionally need to reset the bar at a higher level so that others have a goal to aim for. Maybe they have way too much free time on their hands.

Benchmarks are marked departures from everything that came before and define a new direction for the genre. For example, for the superhero movie, the benchmark is still Batman. For western movies, it’s Once Upon a Time in the West. For sci-fi movies, it seems to be (I shudder) Star Wars. It don’t necessarily have to be the best of its kind, it just defines, for better or worse, a new direction.

AUDITION is the current benchmark for psychological horror movies - it used to be Psycho. Is it as good as Psycho? It’s hard to compare – they’re so different. I will say though that AUDITION is just as effective at being creepy without being grotesque (I don’t recall seeing any actual blood). For the most part, any particular nastiness happens just off camera – for the most part.

It starts off simple enough. A man has been widowed for 11 years and is very lonely. His teenage son suggests that he find a wife – but he’s been out of circulation for a long time and doesn’t know how to meet women, but his friend has a plan. His friend is a film producer and concocts the following scheme. They will announce a open casting call for a fictional movie. When women come to audition, he can interview each one and perhaps find someone he likes. That’s exactly what happens. He is taken with a particularly shy and beautiful woman, and he begins to date her. They hit it off really well ………. except ……….. there are few things about her resume that don’t quite fit, and perhaps he should have left it alone ……….. but ……. he doesn’t.

When I say that this is a psychological horror movie, I don’t mean to put it into the same category as the present day spate of gore fest blood baths currently going through your local multiplex. It seems that they’re all trying to out-shock one another, and while some may have merit in some sense, they are NOT to be confused with the new wave of extreme psychological horror, mostly coming out of Asia. So far, AUDITION is the best of them. I think what makes this film more frightening, more creepy, and more disturbing than much more violent movies, is the pacing. You meet the main characters, they like each other, they’re cute together. Then comes the doubt. You think, “Maybe he’s just imagining things.” You think, “Everybody has something in their past they’d like to keep hidden. Maybe he should just leave well enough alone.” …. But you’re just not ready for what comes later. Oh man!

There are scenes from this film that I just can’t forget because they’ve been permanently etched into my consciousness like a soldering iron in a wood burning kit. I don’t recommend this for everybody. The usual warnings apply.

1. This is NOT a date flick!
2. If you do invite a date over to watch this, and they liked it, we at FranksFilms want to meet them.
3. It takes somewhat of a thick skin to get through this film. Please don’t attempt it unless that describes you.
4. It’s not really bloody and gross …… er …… It’s not really bloody.
5. On a creepy scale from 1 to 10, this is a 20.
6. This is NOT a date flick!
7. This is not a feel-good film with an uplifting ending that encourages positive social values – wussy.
8. Oh! I forgot about the bloody bits. Forget about #4.
9. It has particular relevance if you are out there in the dating world.
10. I understand that the actress that plays the female lead is a method actor – meaning she wanted everything to be as real during filming as possible. That’s an interesting girl! I wouldn’t want to date her – but I find that fascinating.

I found this movie at the public library – how bad can it be? Moreover, it appears in Steven Jay Schneider’s book, “1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die.” See?.

Take an AUDITION and enjoy.

THE CABINET OF DR. CALIGARI

This week's movie:
THE CABINET OF DR. CALIGARI

Widely considered the first psychological horror movie. Before optical printing, before IMAX, before blue screen, before CGI, before miniatures, before widescreen, before Technicolor, before sound.

Now Frank, why on earth would I want to watch a silent movie?

I'll be the first to admit, most silent films, although technical marvels at the time, just don't stand up to today's viewing. You can’t have a lot of dialog because you have to switch the scene to a title card every time. The acting is usually overly dramatic, and by today, even with terrific restoration technology, the picture is always somewhat faded and scratchy.

But there are some notable exceptions, such as this week’s film, THE CABINET OF DR CALIGARI. “You mean that the sound is dynamic, with long engaging dialogue, and crystal clear picture?”

Well, no – not really. There’s not much dialogue, the acting is extremely melodramatic and the picture quality is for the birds. Furthermore, it’s not even all that frightening. “Well, Frank. That’s good enough for me! (sarcasm)” OK, smart aleck, I assure you this is one movie you’ll definitely want to see. Why?

1. The atmosphere is eerie – very eerie, and eerie isn’t a word I use very often – so take advantage of it.
2. It very effectively portrays a nightmare world. From the set design, right down to the writing on the title cards. This is quite an achievement considering the lack of technology in 1919, when this movie was released. It was literally years ahead of its time.
3. The look of the set is strange and wonderful. With its crooked buildings and twisted landscapes, it’s crazy freaky – like living in a Dr. Seuss world.
4. Alternate title: “The Cabinet of Dr. Seuss, Except That He’s Not a Very Nice Guy and I Think He May Be Tripping a Little”.
5. This film is all about style. It’s no less stylish than films like Sin City, Kill Bill, or The Sixth Sense.
6. No two walls are parallel.
7. It has a plot twist at the end that would make M. Night Shyamalan proud.
8. Ranks #165 in IMDB top 250 Films, between The Day the Earth Stood Still and Gone With the Wind.
9. Scored a 100% on the tomatometer.
10. This film also appears in Steven Jay Schneider’s book, “1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die”

I started watching this movie by myself because I figured that no one else would be interested in seeing a silent film. As people walked through the living room, and saw what I was playing, they, one by one, sat and watched the rest of the movie with me. They seemed to get over that whole “silent movie thing” pretty quick, and I think you will too. There’s a lot here to hold your attention.

Murder – madness – masterpiece.

Enjoy

THE QUIET AMERICAN

This week's movie:
THE QUIET AMERICAN

In the mid fifties, Vietnam was an interesting place. The French were pulling out, leaving a power vacuum. The landscape was littered with news people, journalists, writers, political strategists, businessmen, military personnel, and those with good intentions and those with no good intentions at all. The nation was on the brink of change and a lot of people had their own ideas about what it should change to.

THE QUIET AMERICAN is a wonderful movie, full of political intrigue, plot twists, and a torrid love triangle. The love triangle is indeed the main focus of the film. Michael Caine is an aging journalist, stationed in Saigon. He keeps a beautiful young local woman as a mistress, and he’s very happy. As long as he sends home an occasional article, he can stay in his idyllic little haven. Then along comes Brendan Frasier, a naïve public service American volunteer (the quiet American). The two become very close friends until Frasier and the woman come together, endangering the older man’s perfect world. How far will he go to hold on to it?

Nothing is as it seems.

Check out this movie. Michael Caine was nominated for an Oscar for this role. The story doesn’t dwell so much on war or politics, but focuses instead on the two main characters who are simultaneously friends and rivals. This is an unusual role for Brendan Frasier. He’s normally found in comedies and action comedies. This film is not a comedy. He really shines in a film like this with a good script.

It's interesting that the release of this movie was delayed. Due to hit the theaters late 2001, it was held off more than a year after 9/11 because of its suggestion that maybe the U.S. did some particularly bad things in Vietnam - and was considered "unpatriotic". As it was, it didn't get the wide release it deserved.

Do it. Rent THE QUIET AMERICANthis week, and enjoy.

SIN CITY

Movie of the Week:
SIN CITY

The epitome of coolness.

There have been a ton of movies based on comic books. Some are good and others don't quite work. Comic book movies are very hard to do. One of the problems is that most comics are written to appeal to adolescent boys. Super powered heroes kicking the bad guy's butt, hard boiled detectives that shoot their way out of every situation and always get the girl - any girl, every girl. It's perfectly acceptable behavior, and all great fun in the comics - but it doesn't translate when you place it into the context of the real world (as you do in a movie). When you depict extreme violence, misogynic behavior and over the top dialogue in the real world, it feels false. SIN CITY is a notable exception. Directed by Robert Rodriguez, whose credits range from Desperado and From Dusk Till Dawn to the Spy Kids series, SIN CITY exists in a world of its own.

This film has a very unique look. It's certainly film noir, and so it's always nighttime. It’s mostly filmed in noir and white. The femme fatales have ruby noir lips. The hard-boiled men narrate their own story with noir-ish monologue (a noiralogue). Victims, good and bad, bleed blood that’s noir or white or red or yellow or noir. Noir detectives habituate noir bars where the just and the unjust sit together to drink their noir whiskey and tell their noir tales with noir-ish noir. Now that’s pretty noir.

The noir-ish of all is the city itself. Sin City is as much a character in the story as Marv or Hartigan or Goldie. It’s the kind of place where you can only survive with your wits, ......... and rubber tubing, gas, saw, gloves, cuffs, razor wire, hatchet, Gladys (your ’44), and your mitts. The kind of place where all your troubles can be packed into the trunk of a hardtop with a decent engine.

SIN CITY tells three or four short stories from the Frank Miller comic series. The stories are independent and are not in chronological order. A lot has been said about how the film-makers preserved the exact look and feel of the comic – maybe more than any previous movie attempt. Frame by frame comparisons show this to be true. It is indeed a technically perfect recreation. But is that the main reason to watch this movie – NO.

The dialogue is corny as hell. The acting is over the top. The actions and plot are exaggerated. The violence is extreme. And the art direction is breathtaking. No, the best reason to watch this movie is that this was the most fun I’ve had watching a film in a long ……… long ……..long time. Did I like this movie – you bet. Here’s why you should give it a try.

1. It’s more fun than a barrel of monkeys.
2. Have you ever had a barrel of monkeys? We’re talking high amplitude excitement here.
3. A barrel of snakes – not as fun!
4. No actual sex – but lots of skin.
5. Big stars like Bruce Willis, Micky Rourke, Jessica Alba, and ......... well, lots – that’s all.
6. Micky Rourke: Bet you forgot about him, didn’t you. He’s great in this film.
7. This is exactly what a film should be. Fun and exciting.
8. No need to read the comic first – in fact, probably better this way.
9. It's absudly violent, but the violence is not disturbing because Sin City doesn't exist in the real world.
   
10. Ranks #67 in IMDB top 250 movies between Rashômon and Raging Bull.
11. Lots of other reasons. Read Roger Ebert’s review here.

This is an easy movie to watch. It doesn’t take any effort to enjoy. But pay attention, a lot of stuff happens, fast.

Enjoy.

Roger Ebert’s review of SIN CITY.

THE DECALOGUE

Television on DVD of the week:
THE DECALOGUE

Although I almost literally grew up in front of a TV set, I'm not a big fan of television. It generally doesn't do it for me anymore. I don't know if it's because the quality of programming has declined (I suspect we've always had both good programs and stupid ones), or if it's because I've gotten older and harder to please. There is very little television that I'll watch today. However, having said that, there are occasionally exceptions along the way that defy the rule that nothing of quality can come from TV. Roots, Twin Peaks by David Lynch, and some of the original programs from HBO (Deadwood, Six Feet Under, etc.) are examples.

THE DECALOGUE, originally shown on polish TV, represents the very best of what is possible on television. It was written and directed by Krzysztof Kieslowski, who made the “Three Colors” trilogy of movies Blue, White, and Red, from my past recommendations. This is not so much a series as it is ten separate 1-hour movies. The ten stories are independent from each other, with different characters. The common thread is the location. All the movies take place in and around the same high rise apartment building in Warsaw, Poland. There is a second thread; each of the ten stories has a theme that illustrates or features one of the Ten Commandments, although it’s not always clear which one is the focus in any one story.

Krzysztof Kieslowski didn’t make very many films in his short career, but each one is exceptional. No one can depict the vast ocean of human experience like he can. THE DEACALOGUE is no exception. Not only is it one of the best productions on television anywhere, but it also beats out most movies. It takes a while to get through them all (10 hrs. total). But the ten films come on three DVD’s, with 3 or 4 episodes on each, to allow you to spread your viewing out. Watch 1 disc worth at a time over the course of 3 or 4 weeks until you see all of them.

This is a must for any serious film buff or film watcher. Scoring 100% on the tomatometer just reinforces the fact that it is universally acclaimed by both critics and viewers. Let me put it into a better perspective. On the IMDB top 250 Films of all time, the #1 film, The Godfather, amassed a rating of 9.1 (out of 10). THE DECALOGUE, which does not compete for this list (as it comes from television), ranked a 9.3. If you want more details, the link at the top will take you to the IMDB page for this film(s), and the link below will take you to film critic Roger Ebert’s review. “Frank, why do you always link to Roger Ebert’s reviews?” Roger Ebert is perhaps the most respected film critic in the business (He won the Pulitzer Prize). He has befriended and interviewed many many of the film-makers over the years, and usually has a unique perspective that many other people wouldn’t. So there! (besides, he pays me monthly)

This discussion has got me thinking. As a follow up to THE DECALOGUE, I propose a new project of five short films, called “THE PENTALOGUE” (I could only come up with 5. If you think of more, we can upgrade). Each film focuses on one of the cardinal commandments of film-making (well, there ought to be cardinal commandments of film-making!).

THE PENTALOGUE:

1. My name – Bond, James Bond ….. and thou shall not worship false Bonds before me: Docu-drama chronicling the decline of the James Bond franchise after Sean Connery.
2. Thou shall not steal – plots from other movies: They say that there are no more than seven unique plot formulas in Hollywood. Bill Bicksberg, an independent film-maker, in Missouri, suddenly thinks of an eighth. He flees for his life when a consortium of large movie studios sends a crack team of assassins to eliminate this threat. They have only 2 weeks to find and “Kill Will”.
3. Thou shall not remake movies – unless you plan to make them better: A group of Hollywood moguls hatch a plot to take the best European and Asian movies, and remake them in English. They throw stars galore at it, but have no money left for interpreters, or style, or editing, or nuancing. What to do – what to do? We must save America from foreign languages.
4. Honor thy Weinsteins: Bob and Harvey Weinstein can’t get no respect in Hollywood. After producing nearly 200 films, they get out of the business and become private detectives. Their first assignment – find Mel Gibson’s brain.
5. Thou shall not - shall not - shall not – make a sequel to Battlefield Earth: Director, Roger Christian, contemplates a sequel, succumbing to fan pressure. “So many unanswered questions”. After all, the original was so profitable, raking in virtually hundreds and hundreds of dollars. “Perhaps”, he argues “it can be shown on a double bill with Gigli II.”

Rent THE DECALOGUE and enjoy (X 10).

Film critic Roger Ebert’s review of THE DECALOGUE.