TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY

This week’s movie:
TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY

I can’t help it - but sometimes I just think about everything that’s wrong with the world.

In an effort to keep this review to a reasonable length, I’m limit myself to one thing - ghost stories. Ghost movies are inherently funny and not at all scary like they’re suppose to be. You might not notice it unless you actually think about it. If the movie isn’t scaring the beejesus out of me, my mind starts to wander and think about - logic. I start to ask too many questions, and then the movie is doomed. Ghosts just can’t stand up to logic. Try it yourself sometime - when you’re watching a ghost movie, see if one or more of the following questions don’t come to mind.

1. Why is this ghost back? It wants revenge. Why? It’s dead. What does it care anymore?
2. Why is this ghost back? Maybe it doesn’t know it’s dead. If it doesn’t know it’s dead, why doesn’t invite you in, sit down to eat dinner with you, strike up a conversation, catch some TV - you know - the things it used to do when it was still alive?
3. Why is this ghost scary? It’s a ghost, dammit! It’s a spirit with no body. It has no effect on the physical world. It can’t harm you!
4. If it has no physical presence, how come we can see it?
5. It appears only at certain times. What does it do in between hauntings? What does it do when you’re not home? Crossword puzzle maybe? Do ghosts get bored?
6. If you have more than one ghost in the same house, do they scare each other? This thought actually kept me awake one night.
7. Living people have ghost hunters and exorcists they can call to rid a house of spirits. Is there an equivalent in the ghost world? Do resident ghosts call - I don’t know - maybe a poltergeist, to rid a house of the living? They did in Beetlejuice, a nearly perfect ghost story.
8. Why doesn’t the “They’re just as scared of you as you are of them” logic apply to ghosts? I never saw a ghost movie in which a ghost shrieked in terror and put up both hands so that its fingers make a cross, when the living walk into the room.
9. A thought just occurred to me concerning ghost logic. Are ghosts afraid of vampires? I think someone has missed a great script opportunity for a movie in which ghosts come back to haunt the vampires that killed them. For pure realism, they can get real ghosts to play the ghosts (what else have they got to do between hauntings?). But, don’t use real vampires to play vampires (because they’ll only work at night).
10. The greatest bit of illogic that I come across - is that ghosts always seem to be mad, or sullen - in a bad mood. They never smile, they never tell jokes - didn’t any of them have a sense of humor when they were alive? Can’t they realize that although they’ve died, they’re somehow still around? Aren’t they glad to discover that there’s an afterlife after all? Can’t they see the inherent humor in their situation? Sheeeeeeesh, lighten up why don’t you.

The biggest problem with the vast majority of ghost movies is that they take themselves way too seriously. They’re way too dramatic. They try to be scary - they’re not scary and so you start to wonder about some of the questions from above. This week’s movie, TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY - avoids the usual pitfalls by not being a serious, or a scary, ghost movie. In fact, if not for the ghost, it wouldn’t be a ghost story at all. By being more about the relationship between a husband and wife, and less of all that mucking around rapping on walls and peeking around the corner and saying, “boo!”, you’re too busy seeing something new, so that the above questions don’t come up.

Nina and Jamie were happily married and were on their way to living happily ever after. Then Jamie dies (Oh, cut it out - I’m not giving anything away. We’ve been talking about ghosts for goodness sake!). Nina goes into deep depression. She is totally lonely and heartbroken. Just when she thinks she can’t go on - Jamie comes back. Not one of those wraith-like ghosts, but a real live (well - maybe not live) in the flesh ghost. She can touch him, embrace him, kiss him, get busy with him. He’s warm and still has a sense of humor. He knows he’s dead and he’s returned simply because she wanted him to.

Life is wonderful again.

But on Monday morning, she needs to go back to work. He’ll stay at home and “haunt or something”. When she gets home everything is OK, but during the day, he gets bored. So one day he starts inviting friends over - dead ones. Hence the improbable line, “I can’t believe I have a bunch of dead people watching videos in my living room.” There are no vampires in this movie, but otherwise, it provides answers to most of the questions from above.

The film is considered a romantic comedy - a ghost romantic comedy. I would say that it’s just about halfway between the outrageousness of Beetlejuice and the sappiness of Ghost. It’s smarter (more cerebral), is more real (as much as you can be with ghosts), and has more heart than either of those films. In the end, the conclusion is satisfying and leaves you with a warm fuzzy. The day after, you’ll be recommending this film to your friends.

SO, rent TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY this week.

Enjoy.

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INLAND EMPIRE

Movie of the week:
INLAND EMPIRE

I like to put ground pepper on my food.

When the plate is put in front of me, I instinctively reach for the pepper grinder, or for the grated cheese - whatever is appropriate - whatever is handy - whether it needs it or not. Some chefs get insulted when you do this. They’ll claim that they’ve already added it, that it’s been seasoned to perfection and shouldn’t need anything else.

I don’t get insulted when I’m the chef or the server. I want people to put their own touch on the dish. To me, the dish is not complete when it is served. To me, the final step in the preparation of the dish should be, must be done by the person who is going to eat it. The very act of adding the pepper makes me part of the process of creating the dish. At the restaurant, when the waiter comes around with the pepper grinder, I want to snatch it out of his hand and grind it myself - that’s MY job! A good chef will understand that - a chef who’s not all full of himself, that is.

David Lynch, director of INLAND EMPIRE, is like a good chef who’s not all full of himself. He doesn’t serve you up a perfect dish that’s been seasoned to perfection and doesn’t need anything added. In fact, the film isn’t complete and doesn’t achieve perfection until you, the viewer, add the final bits to it. INLAND EMPIRE takes this idea steps further. You are given characters and plot elements - and it’s not immediately clear how they go together or what they mean. You have to pretty much work at fitting the pieces of the film together.

I like to think of this film like a photo mosaic. You’ve seen them. It’s a photograph - but as you look closer, you see that it’s made up of lots of smaller photographs. These smaller discreet photos are completely independent from one another, but they somehow magically blend together, as you step back away from it. INLAND EMPIRE is like that. Lynch gives you discreet plot and character fragments. While you’re watching the movie, something will happen and you might say, “What the hell was that?!!” Then something else will happen and you’ll probably say, “W-W-What?!!! What’s that got to do with what I just saw?!”. Then something really arbitrary will happen and you’ll say, “Well, that was pretty arbitrary.” And then something really strange will happen and you’ll want to say, “I think it’s interesting that Lynch parallels the labyrinthine back stage movie set as a corridor that connects seemingly disconnect realities. This obvious symbol of a woman in mortal danger runs the breadth of his earlier films, and in a way, it is a reference to the twists and turns in one’s mind. Too many wrong turns and you could be lost forever. He has obviously read the works of D.R. Stickgold.” You would like to say all that, but all you manage is, “Fffffffffft…….”

BUT - when you step back from it all, in time that is, you start to see the composite image. Some time later (a couple weeks, maybe a few years, who knows?), when you think about this film, you won’t think of individual scenes or plots. You’ll remember the emotional feel of the story. You’ll remember the intensity and the edge. You remember the overall arc of the narrative. You’ll see the face pop out of the mosaic, and not the individual component pieces. This movie is NOT for instant gratification. It won’t reveal any of it’s mysteries. It won’t tie up the loose ends for you at the end. This is something to take with you, and mull on it later.

This is a much more complex tale than, say, Mulholland Dr. which required only a shift in your frame of reference to understand what’s happening ………..whatever that means. INLAND EMPIRE requires you to put the pieces together and take your own meaning away. Everybody will have a different movie-watching experience. It’s up to you to add the final touch - the interpretation. I’ll be happy to tell you mine ………………..after I’ve had a chance to mull it over for a couple years or so.

The movie has a great cast: Laura Dern, Jeremy Irons, Harry Dean Stanton, Diane Ladd (Laura Dern’s real-life mother), Julia Ormond, and even William H. Macy and Mary Steenburgen (yes - that’s Back to the Future III Mary Steenburgen) and Nastassja Kinski and even Naomi Watts as a rabbit (don’t ask). Laura Dern is the star of the film. In a career-making performance that not many could pull off she plays the girl(s) in trouble. And since Lynch likes to experiment with multiple realities per character, ……..that’s a lot of trouble.

Warnings: For those of you who have never seen a David lynch movie in all its freaky goodness, and are considering watching this with your kids - don’t - unless your kids are really old, or have been really naughty. There’s just a tiny flash of nudity and no graphic sex - also there’s not a lot of violence, but there is a lot of profanity (not Blue Velvet level of profanity, but plenty just the same), and many of the scenes may be disturbing ( or maybe they’re “disquieting” - yeah! that’s it). So, now you’re thinking, “Why even watch it at all?” So here are my

10 Top Reasons to Watch INLAND EMPIRE

1. As unlike any other movie as you’ll ever get.
2. Everyone at work is going to be watching it. At the water cooler, you’ll want to talk about the latest bugs in the Vista operating system, but everyone else will want to talk about INLAND EMPIRE.
3. There’s to be a debate this winter about your favorite David Lynch film. You have to see them before you can discuss them.
4. You’ll overhear someone say, “It’s all in the beans - and I’m full of beans.” You’ll want to be IN on the joke.
5. There may be some Oscar buzz for Laura Dern’s role(s). See what the buzz is about.
6. It’s three hours long. You get your money’s worth on the rental.
7. Don’t let #6 put you off. “Dancing With the Stars” is 4 hours. OK, so maybe “Dancing With the Stars” is only an hour - but certainly feels like 4 hours.
8. Finally! Learn what the word “Dystopian” means. As in, “An actress takes a wrong turn and is drawn into a nightmarish Dystopian world.” Don’t you hate when that happens?
9. You know how in many movies, you’re watching and then you suddenly know how its going to end. You see the inevitable coming - very predictable. Don’t you hate when that happens? I guarantee that won’t happen here.
10. “Fffffffffft…….”

Enjoy INLAND EMPIRE with a loved one (but not your kids - unless, as I said, they’re old or bad).

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THE LOST SKELETON OF CADAVERA

Sci-Fi Geek Movie of the Week:
THE LOST SKELETON OF CADAVRA

Full of insane goofy sci-fi goodness.

When I was a little kid, one of my greatest joys was staying up late at night. I would stay up later than my parents (on the weekends, of course) an watch the late night movies on TV. These consisted mostly of B-grade science fiction and monster movies. My 10 year old imagination readily sucked up features like The Forbidden Planet, Dracula, Attack of the Crab Monsters, and Plan 9 From Outer Space.

They weren’t necessarily great movies, but they were simple - and had the prerequisite elements for an exciting time. Aliens, monsters, vampires, commies, atom bombs, etc. And of course, there was at least one scientist who would figure out how to kill them all. The scientist was always the hero of the story (exactly the opposite is true in today’s films), and maybe because of that, I always wanted to be a scientist ………………….and do science.

THE LOST SKELETON OF CADAVRA (TLSOC) is not just a parody of these films. It doesn’t make fun of them. It’s more of a tribute. It pulls together all the basic elements into one movie. Filmed in skeletorama, it revels in its Ed Woodian goodness with humor and a little wink to the audience. The actors never break character and treat the material with the schloky reverence it deserves. It was one of the funniest movies I saw that year (2001). The makers of this film have abandoned the “less is more” concept in favor of the “more is more” philosophy. More villains, more monsters, more aliens, more animal-turned-humans, more cheesy broccoli props and hand-drawn special effects - and throw in an Amish terrarium for good measure. The best part though, is the dialog. Although much smarter than original Z-grade movies, it capture the essentials while stripping out all the unnecessary stuff. I dare anyone to watch this without getting a wicked case of the giggles.

The story? I don’t think I could possibly explain the plot of this story. The story is unimportant. The character elements are what’s important. There’s a radioactive meteor (all 50’s sci-fi involved a radioactive something-or-other), an element called Atmospherium that does - well, I don’t know what it does - a monster, an animal woman (?), a good scientist, an evil scientist, aliens, horrible mutilations, cows, and of course - a skeleton. The skeleton is, of course, the star and the funniest character, with his eye-bolt on top of his skull and wires to hold him up, he’s literally a scream.

Although TLSOC received virtually no press or promotion, it was proclaimed by the IFC as one of the top five independent features of the year. It has since enjoyed a wide word-of-mouth popularity, and several fan web site have popped up along the way. Check out this one, and of course, the one you’re now reading.

Top 10 favorite quotes from THE LOST SKELETON OF CADAVRA

1. Even when I was a child, I was hated by skeletons!
2. I’ve seen a bear do things, well… even things that even a bear wouldn’t do.
3. Aliens? Us? Is this one of your Earth jokes?
4. Betty, you know what this meteor could mean to science. It could mean actual advances in the field of science.
5. I sleep now.
6. I’m a scientist, I don’t believe in anything.
7. We take our horrible mutilations seriously around these parts.
8. t’s okay bossy I’m here now. There, there bossy, there, there. No, no! You’re not Bossy! You’re not Bossy!
9. Sorry, sometimes my wife forgets that she is not an alien from outer space.
10. Well, I suppose if I had wanted a safe life, I wouldn’t have married a man who studies rocks.

You will enjoy THE LOST SKELETON OF CADAVRA. The skeleton commands it!

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ORLANDO

This week's movie:
ORLANDO

I like this movie - a lot - and I’m not sure why.

I saw it years ago when it first came out (1992). That was right around the time when I first started to appreciate the vast untapped resource of “movies nobody has ever heard of”. I wasn’t expecting it to be good because ………well, because I’d never heard of it, and for goodness sake, if I’d never heard of it - how good could it be?

It was damn good.

When I was done, I watched it again.

It was unlike the “ordinary” films that I was used to. Who’d of thought that I could be moved by a film that wasn’t a tearjerker or didn’t have a plot or really wasn’t about anything. But a film doesn’t have to have plot to be interesting, and a film doesn’t have to manipulative to be moving, and a film doesn’t have to tell jokes to be funny. I like this movie but I can’t put my finger on why.

The story is about the amazing life adventures of Orlando, a wealthy gentleman dandy in England during the Elizabethan era. During a party, having charmed Queen Elizabeth I, she commands Orlando to remain young forever.

So he does.

What follows, are episodes of his life over the next 400 years, first as a man, then later as a woman. About halfway through the story, Orlando wakes up as a woman. No big deal is made about it (”Same person. No difference at all… just a different sex.”) She’s lived for nearly 400 years, but because this is England, people pretend not to notice.

Orlando (both the man and woman) is convincingly portrayed by the fabulous and visually striking Tilda Swinton. She imbues her character with just the right amount of dignity, desperation, and humor. When she occasionally winks to the audience or gives an aside, it allows yourself to become his/her companion as we keep her company throughout his/her long life.

The film is based on the novel (of the same name) by Virginia Woolf. People often refer to this as a “chick flick” because it seems to favor the female Orlando. I don’t agree. Although Orlando does seem to be happier and more fulfilled at the end of the movie, I don’t think it’s because, as many claim, he’s become a woman. I think it’s more because she’s had 400 years to get it right.

If you think that this movie’s not for you, or you’re not interested in seeing it, fear not! I have provided a list of potential excuses below for your convenience (we at FranksFilms are always thinking of our readers’ well being).

1. It’s based on literature? Sorry, I’ve swore off literature since high school.
2. Virginia Woolf? Wait! Didn’t she write that book “Mrs. Dalloway? Christ, it took me forever to get through that!
3. It can’t possibly be any good. I’ve never heard of it.
4. I’ll wait for the remake starring Angelina Jolie.
5. Tilda Swinton? Wait wasn’t she in that Chronicles or Narnia movie? Christ, it took me forever to get through that!
6. I never watch movies. I don’t even own a television set. I only read books - and only books that I’ve heard of - and only books that have never been made into a movie.
7. I have small children and can only watch movies that are appropriate for kids.
8. I won’t watch British films. I only watch movies that were made right here in the U S of A ……………………like Star Wars.
9. My husband/wife will only watch movies about sports. And I don’t think polo or cricket count.
10. FranksFilms? Wait! Didn’t you once recommend The Saddest Music in the World? Christ, it took me forever to get through that!

ORLANDO, oh yeah. Now I remember why I liked this movie.

Because it’s good.
Enjoy.

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